Sunday, July 26, 2009

Week 25 -Can I get a back transplant?

I'm back at home now, just had my first full week in the office and am exhausted!! Have fallen asleep most nights by 8 or 9pm.

Kid is going super well! I can see and feel kicks externally now - like in the Jurassic Park scene where the T-Rex vibrates the water in ripples - so does the fat on my belly move when kid is active. He has his own demands now and ways of getting results including mega-kicks when he is hungry at meal times, little dances of excitement after eating and the odd congo line at midnight just for the fun of it.

I am not doing quite so well. My pelvis has had it - far too early if you ask me but I can barely walk in the morning, sleeping is torture and bending, stretching or lifting or even putting underwear on is an issue! I've been to physio now who have told me I've got three different things going on - sacro-illiac joint pain, pubic symptisitis (spelling?) at the front and ITB dramas across my thighs - that is about as technical as I will get. So I have support belts, heat packs for the back and ice compression for the thighs at night to try and help! WHEW!

All of the back stuff has left me feeling a little bleak and morose. On one hand I'm super excited about the kid, on the other the idea that I've still got three months to go, possibly with increasing back issues is depressing.

Not to mention that although I'm still enjoying the idea of sex and have a high pregnancy libido, and a roster of willing long term lovers keen, the actual logistics are become too much with the back and that is just not fair. It was gymnastic, fantastic, lustful sex that created this kid, surely I should at least be able to enjoy the same for a bit longer ;-)

Still, the back issues may get me off full time work easier and allow me to access sick leave and finish up in the office by 30-34 weeks. That would be heaven.

I've also now got almost all of the baby clothes, and the nursery is complete and I'm nesting like mad -forcing friends to do the trolley pushing and lifting at Ikea frenzies. Hanging out at home and doing nesting stuff makes me happy beyond reason, so I guess the biological processes are well and truly kicking in to make sure I'm ready.

I'm also working through some long held family issues which I'm told is a normal part of baby-growing. It makes you reflect on your parents, and childhood and so every night I go to sleep is some kinda Dr Phil episode in my head. I've even had a few words to the family about things I've often wondered about, and tried to let them know my expectations of them as grandparents. It's hard work for someone who has never said anything to anyone in the family about such issues but the family is responding!

Really, if it wasn't for the back issue, and I guess the morning sickness I had earlier - then I'd love pregnancy. It's all excitement and anticipation and life changing and all of that good stuff.

Although, irrationally, I am still wondering if I will have an ugly child and then not feel the process worth it. Ha! Why I'm so concerned about looks is beyond me, but I think it's very funny and I can't take the fear seriously, instead roll about laughing at my own newly discovered shallowness.