Well after a week lazing in the sun and swimming I finally find no more excuses to put off writing. Actually, I'm only writing cause I don't want to do my washing. I'm on my last solo vacation ever and I don't want to cook, wash, or clean. I'm being entirely selfish and watching tv, reading millions of books, eating out, sleeping in...all things I figure I should enjoy since they won't be so easy to manage in a few months time. Mostly enjoying my solitary time, but with odd moments of tears of loneliness or sheer panic at the "WTF I'm having a baby alone" situation.
I'm kinda used to the idea of being pregnant now so don't have to keep being shocked when I wake up and see my ever growing belly. In fact, I'm loving the fact that my baby boy kicks now. It's the best feeling in the world. I've started talking to him even though I'm not really sure what to say. I sort of baby talk the same way I talk to my pets.
I've started doing serious baby shopping, but part of me is just stunned that something so amazing is happening to me - I'm buying baby clothes but I can't quite imagine what he's going to look like, or that he really will be mine. Some days I admit I've thought it's TOO good and someone will come in and sweep away my baby, or that he'll be born with something broken. And some days I have found myself apologising to him for not giving him a father or a more traditional family. Other days I just cry cause I'm so happy and it feels so right and I know we'll be okay.
So you can see - up and down with the hormones and emotions. So I haven't really blogged in detail cause everything changes so often!
It's much harder travelling pregnant alone than I thought. My back is really sore so I have to plan each day in details - buses I'll catch, what I can achieve without overdoing it, rest stops, nap times, how much I can carry and when I will treat myself to a cab. Add to it weird discharges, thrush, rashes, heartburn and million tiny complaints and it's a challenge! Carrying a bag with all sorts of medication and creams and water and such. But I guess that's what being a mum is going to be like. Planning, taking things slower and more easy, bite size chunks of life at a time! Pregnancy is kinda sneaky in that it prepares you for what is too come I think.
Once I get back home in a few weeks things really start to progress. More appointments, back care classes, parenting classes, building the nursery and buying the last few big things I need, baby showers, hiring someone to take over my job for real and working out my maternity leave. So I best enjoy the stillness of this last holiday!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
So much catching up to do!
I'm now 19 weeks. And I've got a very healthy baby BOY moving about inside! So healthy he was playing with his penis on the ultrasound scan. Ahem. That surely is my child!!
I'm about to head off for three weeks of holidays in the sun..so will write lots and lots then I promise. But it's been a nightmare to get my house ready for holidays with flatmate dramas and housesitters for my pets, plus train a replacement for my day job, plus do all the baby admin of scans and checkups etc etc.
Whew...in three days I'm in the sun in Hawaii eating pineapple! Yay.
Stay tuned...
x
I'm about to head off for three weeks of holidays in the sun..so will write lots and lots then I promise. But it's been a nightmare to get my house ready for holidays with flatmate dramas and housesitters for my pets, plus train a replacement for my day job, plus do all the baby admin of scans and checkups etc etc.
Whew...in three days I'm in the sun in Hawaii eating pineapple! Yay.
Stay tuned...
x
Friday, May 15, 2009
Week 14.5 - I feel almost normal
I haven't posted lately cause I've been ignoring the pregnancy basically. Not because I've changed my mind about bub or anything, but just to kind of give myself a break from "Being Pregnant" with capital letters like I was in first trimester. I was just always so sick and tired I could never forget about it.
Now though; as long as I eat well, and sleep well, then I feel great. Slight pregnant belly forming - and I'm loving that and trying to show it off. Even my boss -the most fat phobic, BBW hating man in the universe noted that "I was showing" which means he got over his disgust at fat girl bellies long enough to notice I've got a new pot belly forming too. I was quite pleased with that.
Today he saw me eating lunch leftovers at 10am and then offered to take me out for a coffee and treat on the work account when I explained I'm constantly hungry despite trying to be good and eat low GI foods and the like. Wow - taking a fat girl for a cake without a single comment about size, eating habits etc. Although he did have to stress he'd walked 8kms before breakfast and thus "deserved" his treat. Sigh. His issues.
I've had some odd prego side effects of late. Waking with a crusty dried blood nose every morning. As I can be a bit of a nose picker, and it feels so gross, I've discovered that if I pick, or don't pick, either way it makes no difference. I've been using nasal sprays that moisturize your nose (I used them in dry climates like a Korean winter, or on long plane trips) and that's been helping.
I also sneeze like a bastard and with "increased secretions" from every orifice now like the books say I shoot snot everywhere if I'm not careful. People in the street look at me like I've got swine flu and no one believes me when I try and explain the link to being up the duff. My handbag has gone from breath mints and mouth wash to spare knickers (see "increased secretions"), panty liners, nasal spray and millions of tissues. This is the beginning of mother-handbag where you carry everything including the kitchen sink I think.
But these are all very manageable things compared to the first trimester horrors. I have had a few signs of things to come - round ligament pain starting - and that feels like you've just shagged a football team and strained your groin/abdo muscles. But it comes and goes and I use heat packs or just walk a bit waddle-like (aha - that is where the waddle starts to come in. My hips must be shifting too) and I'm good.
Lots of tears too and I'm not one for public crying - or even crying if flatmates can see so I've been a bit stressed trying to hide away when the hormones give way and I start sobbing for silly reasons. I'm trying to overcome the embarrassment and learn to show emotion in pubic - or at least to my flatmates - cause I want my kid to grow up not ashamed of feelings, like I grew up.
It's so hard though for me. I'm trying. Practising feeling words, hugs, nicknames, praise to friends and family and stating my needs, and learning to argue without panicking about feelings of anger. Whew. Lot of self development I'm trying. All related to emotion and the like. I wonder if my Mum was slightly autistic lol - I was in my twenties when I first remember hearing her say the words "I love you". In her defense she is trying now too - we end phone calls with the L word, send emails with nice feeling words every now and then and she even called and said "How are you feeling today" last week - and I nearly died! And we hug when we see each other. Small steps.
I'm using my dogs as substitute babies. I've started telling them "I love you every day and twice on Sundays" which I picked up from a TV show. It may take a few generations - and probably stems from the worlds staunchest, bitchiest grandmother but Mum is trying, I'm getting quite good at it and by the time bub hits the ground running the emotionless curse will be gone. If anyone else has some very nice, cute emotional rituals I can practice for use on a baby then let me know.
I feel really lucky to have had two full weeks now of feeling so good, and hope it continues another few weeks, even a month or so would be great. Then it will be into the hard yards - getting really big and uncomfortable.
Off to a pregnancy and baby expo tomorrow and excited. I have three friends coming along and that feels great - like they are really excited for me and supportive too. Two even offered to bring their credit cards and the thought of them considering buying me stuff makes me tear up in gratitude at their willingness to help out. This kid is going to have such a great tribe.
Now though; as long as I eat well, and sleep well, then I feel great. Slight pregnant belly forming - and I'm loving that and trying to show it off. Even my boss -the most fat phobic, BBW hating man in the universe noted that "I was showing" which means he got over his disgust at fat girl bellies long enough to notice I've got a new pot belly forming too. I was quite pleased with that.
Today he saw me eating lunch leftovers at 10am and then offered to take me out for a coffee and treat on the work account when I explained I'm constantly hungry despite trying to be good and eat low GI foods and the like. Wow - taking a fat girl for a cake without a single comment about size, eating habits etc. Although he did have to stress he'd walked 8kms before breakfast and thus "deserved" his treat. Sigh. His issues.
I've had some odd prego side effects of late. Waking with a crusty dried blood nose every morning. As I can be a bit of a nose picker, and it feels so gross, I've discovered that if I pick, or don't pick, either way it makes no difference. I've been using nasal sprays that moisturize your nose (I used them in dry climates like a Korean winter, or on long plane trips) and that's been helping.
I also sneeze like a bastard and with "increased secretions" from every orifice now like the books say I shoot snot everywhere if I'm not careful. People in the street look at me like I've got swine flu and no one believes me when I try and explain the link to being up the duff. My handbag has gone from breath mints and mouth wash to spare knickers (see "increased secretions"), panty liners, nasal spray and millions of tissues. This is the beginning of mother-handbag where you carry everything including the kitchen sink I think.
But these are all very manageable things compared to the first trimester horrors. I have had a few signs of things to come - round ligament pain starting - and that feels like you've just shagged a football team and strained your groin/abdo muscles. But it comes and goes and I use heat packs or just walk a bit waddle-like (aha - that is where the waddle starts to come in. My hips must be shifting too) and I'm good.
Lots of tears too and I'm not one for public crying - or even crying if flatmates can see so I've been a bit stressed trying to hide away when the hormones give way and I start sobbing for silly reasons. I'm trying to overcome the embarrassment and learn to show emotion in pubic - or at least to my flatmates - cause I want my kid to grow up not ashamed of feelings, like I grew up.
It's so hard though for me. I'm trying. Practising feeling words, hugs, nicknames, praise to friends and family and stating my needs, and learning to argue without panicking about feelings of anger. Whew. Lot of self development I'm trying. All related to emotion and the like. I wonder if my Mum was slightly autistic lol - I was in my twenties when I first remember hearing her say the words "I love you". In her defense she is trying now too - we end phone calls with the L word, send emails with nice feeling words every now and then and she even called and said "How are you feeling today" last week - and I nearly died! And we hug when we see each other. Small steps.
I'm using my dogs as substitute babies. I've started telling them "I love you every day and twice on Sundays" which I picked up from a TV show. It may take a few generations - and probably stems from the worlds staunchest, bitchiest grandmother but Mum is trying, I'm getting quite good at it and by the time bub hits the ground running the emotionless curse will be gone. If anyone else has some very nice, cute emotional rituals I can practice for use on a baby then let me know.
I feel really lucky to have had two full weeks now of feeling so good, and hope it continues another few weeks, even a month or so would be great. Then it will be into the hard yards - getting really big and uncomfortable.
Off to a pregnancy and baby expo tomorrow and excited. I have three friends coming along and that feels great - like they are really excited for me and supportive too. Two even offered to bring their credit cards and the thought of them considering buying me stuff makes me tear up in gratitude at their willingness to help out. This kid is going to have such a great tribe.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Big Day!
I couldn't sleep before the ultrasound - staring out the window like I was waiting for Santa Claus. Then I remembered that good things come in a hurry if you sleep so I was off to bed..only to wake up at 5 am like it was Xmas morning! Finally, the day of the ultrasound.
I spent hours getting ready - as if I was going on a date! New cargo pants I'd bought for the occasion, matching shoes and scarf. I guess I wanted to make a good impression on the offspring for our first meeting!
Traffic was terrible so I was almost late. My friend was also late but it didn't really matter - the computers were down they told me, and they wouldn't do my scan until they knew my patient number. This is not a good thing to tell a girl who has just drunk several glasses of water and needs to pee but can't until after the scan.
In the end it was forty minutes of crossing my legs before I was allowed in for the scan. Then quick as a flash the kid was on the screen. It was a lot to take in. Features and beating heart filled the frame. Kiddo was lying in a crazy position - kinda resting on its neck with legs almost overhead. Very special. That'd be my little critter not doing things the ordinary way. The technician tried to move the baby around to get the measurements but after a while the kid threw a tantrum and started jumping around and twisting and rolling. It moves fast!
We were then sent to the "naughty chair" to wait until the kid would get in the right position for a decent scan. In the meantime though the technician went off and found a doctor who pronounced the pictures taken so far as okay after all, and not needing a second go. I was a little disappointed cause it was kinda fun just watching bub dance around.
So...baby is 5.8 cm from head to butt. Seems to have all of the major organs in place - saw bones and spine and bladder and heart and stomach. And so far no abnormal results. It's all very comforting..but at the same time bloody freaky. Eek. It's REAL. There is a LIVE BABY inside me. It's not a phantom pregnancy after all.
I spent hours getting ready - as if I was going on a date! New cargo pants I'd bought for the occasion, matching shoes and scarf. I guess I wanted to make a good impression on the offspring for our first meeting!
Traffic was terrible so I was almost late. My friend was also late but it didn't really matter - the computers were down they told me, and they wouldn't do my scan until they knew my patient number. This is not a good thing to tell a girl who has just drunk several glasses of water and needs to pee but can't until after the scan.
In the end it was forty minutes of crossing my legs before I was allowed in for the scan. Then quick as a flash the kid was on the screen. It was a lot to take in. Features and beating heart filled the frame. Kiddo was lying in a crazy position - kinda resting on its neck with legs almost overhead. Very special. That'd be my little critter not doing things the ordinary way. The technician tried to move the baby around to get the measurements but after a while the kid threw a tantrum and started jumping around and twisting and rolling. It moves fast!
We were then sent to the "naughty chair" to wait until the kid would get in the right position for a decent scan. In the meantime though the technician went off and found a doctor who pronounced the pictures taken so far as okay after all, and not needing a second go. I was a little disappointed cause it was kinda fun just watching bub dance around.
So...baby is 5.8 cm from head to butt. Seems to have all of the major organs in place - saw bones and spine and bladder and heart and stomach. And so far no abnormal results. It's all very comforting..but at the same time bloody freaky. Eek. It's REAL. There is a LIVE BABY inside me. It's not a phantom pregnancy after all.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Labels
Grrrrr..prego hormones kicking in today and I feel like boxing some heads. I'm so sick of labels at the moment - and believe me I now have quite the collection - Fat, Lesbian/Bisexual (some people not buying the sleeping with men thing that much), Single Mum. Blurgh. We're such a judgemental bunch of fuckers. Excuse me while I go and eat some icecream - that may push me into the Fat label a tad more ;-)
Week 12: The Big Day Tomorrow
I've made it through the first trimester! Praise be! Woot! Now I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for tomorrow - the first ultrasound!
Lots of up the duffers have an ultrasound at about six weeks to "date" the little critter and predict a due date, but because I track my cycles I knew my dates, so I haven't actually yet met the kid in womb. At the moment my due date is 11 November - Remembrance Day! Though if I'm in labour at 11 am I don't like the chances of a few minutes silence!
Tomorrow I'll get to hear the heartbeat, see him/her (them? EEK) on screen and get a run down on my chances of abnormalities. They'll give me a statistical chance of the bub having Down's or something similar and then I can decide what to do next - more testing for example. It's all very nerve wracking and awesome. I really, really don't want to find anything wrong with my alien implant.
I've had a great last week. Overnight it was like morning sickness flicked off and although I was suspicious for a few days, it became obvious I was done with the first trimester horrors. Instead I was flooded with some sort of feel good hormone. The first few days on that natural drug were hilarious. I do believe at one time I was caught singing to a flower in a pot plant that had opened up over night.
Last weekend I was out of bed at 6am, opening up all of the windows and taking stock of what I'd missed in the last six weeks or so. The house was covered in dust and discarded bits of stuff I'd not quite unpacked properly - so it was music cranking and spring cleaning.
The flatmates were most bemused to find me like some freakin' Disney princess dancing with the dogs and pirouetting across the living room.
I caught up on body maintenance and peeled off the vomit stained PJs and then it was onto some serious dog walking and getting-out-of-the-house-again moments. With my appetite returning I treated myself to a slice of cake. Mmmm... small pleasures indeed.
The only downside to this new lot of chemicals in the body is it brings other emotions close to the surface too. Watch a youtube clip, listen to some sappy country and music and watch me blubber. Of course country and western music does make many sane people blubber.
But my feelings turn on a dime too. Someone might cut me off in traffic and I'm having to restrain myself from jumping out of the car and running after them throwing half used bottles of Listerine at their heads. Then I'll go for a nap and have the most filty, sexy, hormone driven dreams and wake up frothy mouthed and wild eyed. Eeek. It's like I've just had a brand new strong set of emotions installed and I"m yet to learn to manage them. Kinda fun.
Well - in summary - I feel like I'm on some pretty good drugs this week! Will update you tomorrow with hopefully the first picture of my baby too!!
Lots of up the duffers have an ultrasound at about six weeks to "date" the little critter and predict a due date, but because I track my cycles I knew my dates, so I haven't actually yet met the kid in womb. At the moment my due date is 11 November - Remembrance Day! Though if I'm in labour at 11 am I don't like the chances of a few minutes silence!
Tomorrow I'll get to hear the heartbeat, see him/her (them? EEK) on screen and get a run down on my chances of abnormalities. They'll give me a statistical chance of the bub having Down's or something similar and then I can decide what to do next - more testing for example. It's all very nerve wracking and awesome. I really, really don't want to find anything wrong with my alien implant.
I've had a great last week. Overnight it was like morning sickness flicked off and although I was suspicious for a few days, it became obvious I was done with the first trimester horrors. Instead I was flooded with some sort of feel good hormone. The first few days on that natural drug were hilarious. I do believe at one time I was caught singing to a flower in a pot plant that had opened up over night.
Last weekend I was out of bed at 6am, opening up all of the windows and taking stock of what I'd missed in the last six weeks or so. The house was covered in dust and discarded bits of stuff I'd not quite unpacked properly - so it was music cranking and spring cleaning.
The flatmates were most bemused to find me like some freakin' Disney princess dancing with the dogs and pirouetting across the living room.
I caught up on body maintenance and peeled off the vomit stained PJs and then it was onto some serious dog walking and getting-out-of-the-house-again moments. With my appetite returning I treated myself to a slice of cake. Mmmm... small pleasures indeed.
The only downside to this new lot of chemicals in the body is it brings other emotions close to the surface too. Watch a youtube clip, listen to some sappy country and music and watch me blubber. Of course country and western music does make many sane people blubber.
But my feelings turn on a dime too. Someone might cut me off in traffic and I'm having to restrain myself from jumping out of the car and running after them throwing half used bottles of Listerine at their heads. Then I'll go for a nap and have the most filty, sexy, hormone driven dreams and wake up frothy mouthed and wild eyed. Eeek. It's like I've just had a brand new strong set of emotions installed and I"m yet to learn to manage them. Kinda fun.
Well - in summary - I feel like I'm on some pretty good drugs this week! Will update you tomorrow with hopefully the first picture of my baby too!!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Week 11
Finally something to stop the misery of first trimester - going to a class with a whole bunch of other miserable first trimester gals and partners! Misery does love company.
My first pregnancy class was excellent! I took Earth as my support person so I'm sure we just looked like inner west lesbians. The midwife was awesome and the other couples were fun to meet. I sat clutching a pillow to my belly trying not to throw up, another girl looked liked she would faint any moment and needed a good lie down, while a third girl confessed that her nose was so sensitive she couldn't stand the smell of her boyfriend. LOL. Good times.
We were walked through all of the appointments we'll need, and decisions to make and then to remind us of why we feel we feel so crap we were given a tour of the post-natal unit to see the babies having their first baths!!! I got very excited then. Hard to believe in just over six months I'll be there.
The post natural unit looks very cosy - and they have classes every day on what to do with a baby and how not to kill it so that I thought will come in handy. Wonder if I can move in until the kid is 18 or so?
It was all just so reassuring all-in-all. The parent education unit just reminded me of an airport lounge - even the smell of recycled air conditioning was the same. In a sappy way, I guess it is where great adventures begin...
***
Saturday last week was the tour of the Birth Centre - I've booked a bed there in the hope I can have a much less medical birth. Double beds, comfy furniture and courtyards to pace up and down in. Never fear - they'll still give you gas and pethidine - just no epidural. Yeah, well, we'll see! The Labour Ward is just opposite so if I change my mind it's no issue.
I took a gay boy to the Birth Centre tour and it was most amusing. We were cracking jokes about him not being the father - and getting strange looks from the others. Ah...some people need a sense of humour.
The tour was over fairly quickly since the room was needed by a very pregnant woman who rushed in mid-labour. She seemed calm and composed. I can only hope I'm the same when the time comes.
Overall, a fantastic weekend. Two days now to the ultrasound when I know we're all locked and loaded and ready to keep going with the baby incubating and then...the shopping begins!
My first pregnancy class was excellent! I took Earth as my support person so I'm sure we just looked like inner west lesbians. The midwife was awesome and the other couples were fun to meet. I sat clutching a pillow to my belly trying not to throw up, another girl looked liked she would faint any moment and needed a good lie down, while a third girl confessed that her nose was so sensitive she couldn't stand the smell of her boyfriend. LOL. Good times.
We were walked through all of the appointments we'll need, and decisions to make and then to remind us of why we feel we feel so crap we were given a tour of the post-natal unit to see the babies having their first baths!!! I got very excited then. Hard to believe in just over six months I'll be there.
The post natural unit looks very cosy - and they have classes every day on what to do with a baby and how not to kill it so that I thought will come in handy. Wonder if I can move in until the kid is 18 or so?
It was all just so reassuring all-in-all. The parent education unit just reminded me of an airport lounge - even the smell of recycled air conditioning was the same. In a sappy way, I guess it is where great adventures begin...
***
Saturday last week was the tour of the Birth Centre - I've booked a bed there in the hope I can have a much less medical birth. Double beds, comfy furniture and courtyards to pace up and down in. Never fear - they'll still give you gas and pethidine - just no epidural. Yeah, well, we'll see! The Labour Ward is just opposite so if I change my mind it's no issue.
I took a gay boy to the Birth Centre tour and it was most amusing. We were cracking jokes about him not being the father - and getting strange looks from the others. Ah...some people need a sense of humour.
The tour was over fairly quickly since the room was needed by a very pregnant woman who rushed in mid-labour. She seemed calm and composed. I can only hope I'm the same when the time comes.
Overall, a fantastic weekend. Two days now to the ultrasound when I know we're all locked and loaded and ready to keep going with the baby incubating and then...the shopping begins!
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