Week 14.5 - I feel almost normal

I haven't posted lately cause I've been ignoring the pregnancy basically. Not because I've changed my mind about bub or anything, but just to kind of give myself a break from "Being Pregnant" with capital letters like I was in first trimester. I was just always so sick and tired I could never forget about it.

Now though; as long as I eat well, and sleep well, then I feel great. Slight pregnant belly forming - and I'm loving that and trying to show it off. Even my boss -the most fat phobic, BBW hating man in the universe noted that "I was showing" which means he got over his disgust at fat girl bellies long enough to notice I've got a new pot belly forming too. I was quite pleased with that.

Today he saw me eating lunch leftovers at 10am and then offered to take me out for a coffee and treat on the work account when I explained I'm constantly hungry despite trying to be good and eat low GI foods and the like. Wow - taking a fat girl for a cake without a single comment about size, eating habits etc. Although he did have to stress he'd walked 8kms before breakfast and thus "deserved" his treat. Sigh. His issues.

I've had some odd prego side effects of late. Waking with a crusty dried blood nose every morning. As I can be a bit of a nose picker, and it feels so gross, I've discovered that if I pick, or don't pick, either way it makes no difference. I've been using nasal sprays that moisturize your nose (I used them in dry climates like a Korean winter, or on long plane trips) and that's been helping.

I also sneeze like a bastard and with "increased secretions" from every orifice now like the books say I shoot snot everywhere if I'm not careful. People in the street look at me like I've got swine flu and no one believes me when I try and explain the link to being up the duff. My handbag has gone from breath mints and mouth wash to spare knickers (see "increased secretions"), panty liners, nasal spray and millions of tissues. This is the beginning of mother-handbag where you carry everything including the kitchen sink I think.

But these are all very manageable things compared to the first trimester horrors. I have had a few signs of things to come - round ligament pain starting - and that feels like you've just shagged a football team and strained your groin/abdo muscles. But it comes and goes and I use heat packs or just walk a bit waddle-like (aha - that is where the waddle starts to come in. My hips must be shifting too) and I'm good.

Lots of tears too and I'm not one for public crying - or even crying if flatmates can see so I've been a bit stressed trying to hide away when the hormones give way and I start sobbing for silly reasons. I'm trying to overcome the embarrassment and learn to show emotion in pubic - or at least to my flatmates - cause I want my kid to grow up not ashamed of feelings, like I grew up.

It's so hard though for me. I'm trying. Practising feeling words, hugs, nicknames, praise to friends and family and stating my needs, and learning to argue without panicking about feelings of anger. Whew. Lot of self development I'm trying. All related to emotion and the like. I wonder if my Mum was slightly autistic lol - I was in my twenties when I first remember hearing her say the words "I love you". In her defense she is trying now too - we end phone calls with the L word, send emails with nice feeling words every now and then and she even called and said "How are you feeling today" last week - and I nearly died! And we hug when we see each other. Small steps.

I'm using my dogs as substitute babies. I've started telling them "I love you every day and twice on Sundays" which I picked up from a TV show. It may take a few generations - and probably stems from the worlds staunchest, bitchiest grandmother but Mum is trying, I'm getting quite good at it and by the time bub hits the ground running the emotionless curse will be gone. If anyone else has some very nice, cute emotional rituals I can practice for use on a baby then let me know.

I feel really lucky to have had two full weeks now of feeling so good, and hope it continues another few weeks, even a month or so would be great. Then it will be into the hard yards - getting really big and uncomfortable.

Off to a pregnancy and baby expo tomorrow and excited. I have three friends coming along and that feels great - like they are really excited for me and supportive too. Two even offered to bring their credit cards and the thought of them considering buying me stuff makes me tear up in gratitude at their willingness to help out. This kid is going to have such a great tribe.

The Big Day!

I couldn't sleep before the ultrasound - staring out the window like I was waiting for Santa Claus. Then I remembered that good things come in a hurry if you sleep so I was off to bed..only to wake up at 5 am like it was Xmas morning! Finally, the day of the ultrasound.

I spent hours getting ready - as if I was going on a date! New cargo pants I'd bought for the occasion, matching shoes and scarf. I guess I wanted to make a good impression on the offspring for our first meeting!

Traffic was terrible so I was almost late. My friend was also late but it didn't really matter - the computers were down they told me, and they wouldn't do my scan until they knew my patient number. This is not a good thing to tell a girl who has just drunk several glasses of water and needs to pee but can't until after the scan.

In the end it was forty minutes of crossing my legs before I was allowed in for the scan. Then quick as a flash the kid was on the screen. It was a lot to take in. Features and beating heart filled the frame. Kiddo was lying in a crazy position - kinda resting on its neck with legs almost overhead. Very special. That'd be my little critter not doing things the ordinary way. The technician tried to move the baby around to get the measurements but after a while the kid threw a tantrum and started jumping around and twisting and rolling. It moves fast!

We were then sent to the "naughty chair" to wait until the kid would get in the right position for a decent scan. In the meantime though the technician went off and found a doctor who pronounced the pictures taken so far as okay after all, and not needing a second go. I was a little disappointed cause it was kinda fun just watching bub dance around.

So...baby is 5.8 cm from head to butt. Seems to have all of the major organs in place - saw bones and spine and bladder and heart and stomach. And so far no abnormal results. It's all very comforting..but at the same time bloody freaky. Eek. It's REAL. There is a LIVE BABY inside me. It's not a phantom pregnancy after all.