Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Alien Impant

So the little thing inside me has a heartbeat now. And an attitude problem.

Had my first bouts of nausea. I'm at the stage where I must be close to food all of the time and if I don't eat something small every two hours then I get to be reminded of how I felt hungover from the all night drinking years. Blurgh.

I just cried myself across to the shops this morning for some crackers. Then instantly felt better with my hand in the packet. Ah, hormones. And I thought I was a moody bitch with regular PMS. Just as well I'm single or I'd probably have my partner's head on a stick I'm that homicidal at times.

Already I'm popping stitching in my bras and my uterus is jumping up and down and moving all about as it gets ready to grow. Lots of hot baths needed, and constant wearing of tight singlets while I walk around with my hands over my breasts moaning like a whimp.

At this stage I'll need an epidural before I've even made it three months preggers.

My two dogs of course think the newly swollen, plump boobs are cushions designed just for their little heads so we have this way of laying on the couch now with one dog resting on each boob. I just hope they don't expect to be breastfed. Cause I'm open minded. But there are limits.

My first doctor's appointments have been great fun. Have this dowdy old GP with a wicked sense of humour. When I asked her about coming off anxiety medication she told me "I'd be a cot case during pregnancy anyhow" drugs or no drugs so I'd better come off them. Cause it increases miscarriage risks. Although, in rats, was found to give no birth defects. She then added "Which is great, if you're having a rat.And I did read a book like that once..."

At my concerns about being fat and falling pregnant she just looked me up and down and said, "I've seen worse. Just don't eat everything not nailed down and you'll be fine."

Yay. We like her.

Sydney is a busy, busy city and after my blood tests I was given a list of things to do. So of course I needed a trip to Officeworks for a folder and inserts and the like for the "Baby Project". All my bits of paper are lined up now. I'm booked into classes, in for ultrasounds, in for midwife visits, and even into the Labour Ward and Birth Centre. No kidding - it's that busy that if you don't book in the first weeks then you have to give birth in a manger or something. Maybe while I'm at it I should book schools and university places. Although given my kid has a tail and gills now it's hard to say what their potential is. Swimmer?

This weekend I'm also moving house - my place is in line to be knocked down and so best I find a family home I thought rather quickly! So we're on the move now to a four bedroom mansion cut into a cliff face - and it has a dungeon!! For real. I'll either rent the dungeon to a dominatrix or I'll use it to threaten the child-to-be with torture for any misbehaviour! Ha! Excellent plan.

1 comment:

  1. Don't feel badly & don't worry about being "fat" & pg (as if); I didn't really show until about 6 mos. The good thing is that I "only" gained about 10 lbs from month 1 to 7.